Communication in Marriage,  Marriage,  Marriage Challenges,  Parenting

5 Surprizing Ways Your Relationship With Your Spouse Effects Your Children


The foundation of a child’s personality is laid by the environment of the home. The parents of a child are the most important people to ensure that the overall environment of the home is healthy and constructive. For a child, good relationship between his/her mother and father is essential. The quality of the relationship of parents has direct implications on the personality of their child.

Following are the five surprizing ways your relationship with your spouse is effecting your children.


  1. Child’s Sense of Security

In order to thrive to their full potential children must feel secure in their homes. If the relationship of the parents is not healthy a child sense of security is tarnished. A quote of famous author Jan Blaustone sums it up beautifully. “The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other.”

A harmonious relationship between parents can ensure the sense of security of the child and hence be a corner-stone in the process of building the personality of the child.

  1. Child’s Emotional and Physical Health

The quality of the relationship of the parents effects a child’s emotional and physical health. If the relationship between the parents is not healthy and there is conflict between the two then ultimately there is stress in the household.  It is proven by research that a child as young as 6 months old can sense parents’ distress. When a child is stressed the stress hormones begin to circulate through his/her body. If the child is exposed to these stress hormones for a prolonged time it can impact not only the emotional health of the child but also the physical health.

  1. Child’s Perception of Relationships

A home is a child’s learning ground. For a child the perception of a relationship between a husband and wife is formed by observing the relationship of his/her parents.  Your relationship with your spouse will tell your child what to expect in his/her future relationships. It is very likely that the quality of your relationship with your spouse will also effect the relationship of your child with his/her spouse in adulthood.

  1. Child’s Upbringing

When both parents are in a healthy relationship they can easily find a common ground for the methods and rules for the upbringing of their child. The values they want to inculcate in their child and the procedures they want to use to get the desired results do not become a battle ground.

From the child’s perspective he/she is given clear targets and guidance to achieve those targets. On the other hand if the relationship between the parents is not healthy children can always find loop holes to bend rules in their favor. If the mother is not permitting to do something they ask the father and vice versa.

  1. Child’s Happiness and Self-esteem

The happiness of a child depends on many things. Out of all the things harmony in the parental relationship is a big factor. If the child feels that there is respect and love between my parents then he/she feels secured and loved. On the other hand parental conflicts not only affect the environment of the home they also take away child’s happiness, confidence and self-esteem.

How to achieve minimum threshold of an healthy marital relationship?

In my view if both, husband and  wife, can ensure the following four qualities in their relationship they can positively impact the life of their children.

  1. Respect each other

Respect is the most basic trait which can keep a home’s environment healthy. If you don’t love each other its fine but if you don’t respect each other then it is a disaster for your children. When you bring your children into this world then it’s your responsibility to do whatever it takes to give them a secure and healthy household. So respect each other at least for your children’s sake.

  1. Find a common ground in conflicts

Marital conflict is inevitable. When two people live together in such a close relationship some differences will definitely occur. All you need is to find a common ground to solve these differences with respect and thoughtfulness. It will not only strengthen your relationship but it will also give essential tools to your children to deal with this journey called life.

  1. Keep your fights away from your children

Try your best to keep your marital conflicts private and away from your children. This will shield them from the unnecessary stress. In the best interest of your children both the parents should curb the urge to back bite against each other especially in front of their children.

In our society it is a common behavior especially among mothers to make children a party in their conflicts with their spouses. This, in addition to weaken your relationship as a couple, hampers the relationship of your children with their father.

  1. Be kind

Whatever we want to say or whatever we want to resolve can be said and done with kindness. If you want to show your frustration or anger to your spouse, make it a motto to always be kind. This use of kindness will automatically resolve a part of the issue if not more.

(If want to read about all the qualities of a healthy relationship click here)


A healthy marital relationship is always important but when there are kids involved its importance is manifolded. It’s the responsibility of the parents to mend their relationships by hook or crook because it was them who took the decision to have kids in the first place. By working on their marital relationship parents can give one of the best gifts to their children.

Would you like to add anything to this article? I would love to have your feedback in the comment section.


The joy of parenthood by Jan Blaustone



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  • Mazhar Satti

    Spouse relationship is the most important of all relations in the context of its quality having ditect impact on building foundation of next generation. Hence, this relationship deserves whole lot of respect, love and affection to make it real precious and fruitful for our kids.
    What good thoughts you have brought up through your article Seemab; hats off. Keep it up, really enjoying your articles. Godspeed.

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