Yelling at children by their parents is very common across the globe. Parents don’t want to yell at their kids and they regret their anger episodes but still it’s quite difficult to fully control your temper as parents. I am myself a yeller. Kids being the weakest had been victim of my yelling since long. I would have continued this yelling business but one day I heard my daughter yell at her younger brother just like me. I asked her why is she shouting like that and she said, “He is standing in front of the TV and I can’t watch it.” It was such an embarrassing moment for me that I knew there and then that I will have to do something to control my temper.
Implications of yelling At Your Children
There are many negative implications of yelling at children such as:
- It scares them.
- It affects their happiness and self-esteem.
- It makes them aggressive.
- It affects their self-confidence.
- It makes them stubborn.
- It teaches them to yell.
- It might affect their emotional and physical health.
Tips To stop yelling at Your Children
Here I am sharing a few tips to stop yelling at children. These tips have helped me a lot in my ongoing journey to stop this habit of yelling at children.
- Acknowledge Your Anger & Find Out What Triggers Your Yelling
Whenever you are angry there is something behind it. The first step is to acknowledge your anger as natural human behavior. This acknowledgment paves the way for solving the root cause and hence managing your yelling episodes. There are always some triggers which put you in the yelling mode. For example:
- Your child is not listening to you.
- You have to go somewhere and you are getting late.
- You are hungry.
- You are stressed out.
- Something important is hovering your mind.
These are just a few examples but everyone has own set of triggers. Whenever you yell at your children go through the whole episode afterward. What happened before you got angry, what you felt, what other things were at your mind etc. the best approach would be to write down all this. By writing down you would easily find out your triggers after a few yelling episodes.
Once you know the trigger you can nip it in the bud. When the trigger has been removed the likelihood of yelling will be minimum.
Spend Some Time For Self-care Daily
You cannot give from an empty cup. Daily try to spend some time on things you like and enjoy. When your needs are met you are most likely be more accommodating and calm throughout your interactions with your children.
Take Out Your Negative Emotions In a Healthy & Beneficial Way
Negative emotions like anger is a natural human behavior. Many things can make you angry you just need to take out that negative energy from your mind in a healthy and productive way. I have personally experienced that writing my emotions out on paper and meditating act as therapies for managing my negative emotions. In addition to many other things, they help me a lot to stay calm and stress-free.
4. Set Clear Rules And Consequences For Your Children
At times parents ask children to do something and if they don’t, they give empty threats. Children keep on doing what they are doing and ultimately parents have to shout at them to make them listen. For example, I used to ask my daughter to turn off the TV otherwise I will remove it from its place. She used to carry on watching and I used to carry on giving my empty threats. One day I followed through and now she knows that mama means business.
Set clear rules and consequences for children and if they do not obey always follow through with the consequences. You will get tantrums for some time but after that, kids will listen to you without being yelled at.
5. Consciously Lower Your Volume
While communicating with children try to consciously lower your volume. Get closer so that you do not have to talk loudly to get their attention. When you are monitoring your volume likelihood of yelling will decrease.
6. Keep Visual reminders To Keep Your Temper In Check
Keep visual reminders all around your house to keep reminding yourself that you are working on your temper. You can use images, motivational quotes on posters, post-it notes or reminders on your phone. One motivational quote which helps me in reminding that I need to keep a check at my yelling is by Buddha: “You will not be punished FOR your anger you will be punished BY your anger.”
7. Imply Self Controlling Techniques When You are About to Get Angry
Imply self-controlling techniques like deep breathing and changing your environment when you suspect that you are beginning to get angry. If you will wait longer by then you will be in full blown anger, and implying these techniques at that time would be almost impossible.
8. Set a Penalty For Yourself If you Yell
Set a penalty for yourself, like giving some money to charity, if you yell. If you can follow it properly it will turn out to be very powerful check for you. Believe me, after giving charity for your few yelling episodes you will reduce them very quickly.
9. Take Professional Help
If you have tried all these tips and still you are struggling to keep your anger in check then I definitely recommend professional help. It is essential for your own wellbeing and for the wellbeing of the people around you.
Almost every parent loses temper every once a while but you should remember that emotional abuse leaves deeper scars on the personalities of our children. Not only they feel humiliated but gradually they adopt the same behavior and the cycle continues. You will have to break this cycle if you want your children to be more compassionate, kind and emotionally strong.
How do you control your temper while interacting with your children? Share your feedback in the comment section.
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