Your son is not only a son, he would be somebody’s husband and somebody’s father. If you raise your son right you will not only do service to your own family but the whole society will benefit from it.
We detest many things in our present Pakistani society. The long lasting change which has the potential of changing our future society is raising our children right.Today’s children are tomorrow’s adults. If we can inculcate right values and character in our children we can guarantee a better future.
I have observed many things in the brought up of our children which are negative and counterproductive. If we can all make little positive changes in how we raise our sons and daughters only then we will fulfill our duties as parents.
This is a two part article, for the first part I am sharing a few qualities which we must inculcate in our sons. The next part will address how can we better raise our daughters.
These qualities are not gender specific but I have observed that somehow our culture is preventing our sons to learn these skills. As a result our whole society suffers.
Points of Concern in the Upbringing of Boys in Our society & What to Do About it
False Sense of Superiority
In our society there is a sense of superiority for sons especially the more they grow the more they are entitled to certain things. It’s a very common notion in our homes that when a boy is being objectionably mischievous most of the elders say “It’s OK he is just being a boy. OR. Boys do these things its normal”. Over time these comments give a false sense of superiority to a boy. This learned sense of superiority leads to serious issues in adulthood.
Rules of the house should be equal for both genders and nobody should take the benefit of their gender to break it.
Considering Domestic Chores as a Girls Only Affair
We have an army of men who cannot even drink water by themselves. We have to decide do we want the same to go on in future also. In order to better equip our future men we need to involve our sons in house hold chores. Make it a point to teach your son cleaning up, organizing his own stuff, doing laundry and how to cook.
You need to ingrain this fact in the mind of your son that household work is not a mediocre job instead it is an art and a necessity for everyone to learn.
Considering Human Emotions as a Sign of Weakness
Another common notion is considering human emotion as a sign of weakness. This is a common occurrence that if a boy weeps he has to bear comments like: “Boys don’t cry. You are very brave why you are crying.” Boys are bombarded with these comments since toddler-hood as a result they have a very wrong sense of strength in adulthood.
You must tell your son that to show human emotion is not a matter of weakness rather it’s a matter of being human.Tell him it’s OK to cry and be scared. This will not only raise a more humane man but also take the extra pressure off your son.
Attaching Respect to Kinship Only
In our society when you talk about respecting women every man is asked to think about his mother, sister and daughter as if there must be a relation with a man to have his respect.
Teach your son that every women is respectful and it is not manly enough to disrespect any woman.
Wrong Symbols of Strength
For a man physical strength is the symbol of strength everywhere in the world. You need to teach your son that true strength doesn’t only lie in his body but also in his mind. Teach him that punching someone in face is easier than controlling yourself.
Teach him that his power lies in being resilient, kind, and respectful to himself and others.
Lack of Guidance To Choose Influences
As per Google Pakistanis are among the top porn watchers in the world. We need to stop this for our next generation. Teach your son that the things he will watch, places he will visit, people he will choose to spend time with and things he will do, will have a strong impact on his life. Guide him to choose wisely.
How to Inculcate the Desired Qualities in Your Son
Now I will share some tips to help you teach the aforementioned qualities to your son. All these tips are gender unspecific so you can use them to teach anything to your sons and daughters alike. All these tips are very simple and everybody knows them but to practice them is a different ball game altogether.
Be a Good Role Model
The things you want to teach your son will be best taught when you will practice them yourself. Your son especially a young son will look up to you for inspiration and guidance. It is your most important duty to show him the best of yourself so that he may learn to be one of the best men in future.
It is easier said than done but being a parent each one of us will have to do it for our own children and for our future generations.
Watch Your Words & Actions
When interacting with your kids always watch your words and actions. Be conscious of the fact that little eyes are watching and little ears are listening. Depending on your words and actions new personalities are being made which will have effect on the whole society. Be a positive influence on the present and future will take care of itself.
Indulge Him in Positive Activities
There is a lot of negative influence around our children. Our cultural beliefs, society and media have a lot to offer which is negative. To save your children from these negative influences indulge them in positive activities.
Plan activities for them which will nurture them physically, emotionally and morally. Play with them, tell them stories and choose good and positive stuff from the sea of media.
Give a lot of Positive Reinforcements
Young children live to get approval from their parents. Catch them when they are doing something good and they will do more of it. Give a lot of positive reinforcements and you will see a lot of positive results.
Plan to Subtly Teach Him
When you want to teach your children something don’t just start preaching. Have full plan how and when you will teach them a certain thing. Use stories, videos and movies to teach them difficult concepts like body awareness, privacy and abuse. Have healthy conversations with them and build a strong relationship with them so that they approach you first whenever they need help or guidance.
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