Do you remember the time when you had only one child? You knew everything about that child from their tiniest expression to the texture of their poop. Then more children come into the picture and either the first one begins to go into the background or you are unable to pay due attention to the second born. At times the demands of the busy lives of parents leave very little energy and stamina to consciously put an effort to connect with each child individually. Keeping up a healthy one to one relationship with each child becomes a bit difficult.
As a parent, you might not feel much but the child may feel ignored and unseen. Can you relate to that? If yes then stick around we shall dig into the topic of building one to one relationship with each child.
Why is it Important to Build One to One relationship with Each Child
Some of the reasons why it’s important to have one to one relationship with each child are:
Your Relationship with Your Child is at Stake
Your relationship with each child is the basis of their bond with you. Deeper the relationship is stronger the bond will be.
Feeling of being loved, wanted and worthy are necessary for a strong child-parent relationship. If you will not invest your time and energy in building a one to one relationship with your each child he/she may feel unseen, unwanted, unimportant and unloved in comparison with their siblings. As a result, their relationship with you will also suffer.
Parents’ Strong One to One Relationship with Each Child Minimizes Sibling Rivalry
Some sibling rivalry is natural but if parents do not have strong relationships with each child sibling rivalry might dangerously increase.
Psychologists believe that a core cause of sibling rivalry in young children is over parental attention and approval. If parents do not build strong one to one relationships with all their children then one or all of them might feel ignored. In that case, there will be a great likelihood that their terms with their siblings will also suffer.
Your Relationship With Your Every Child Will Be a Role Model In Their Parenthood in Future
You as apparent are your child’s role model. They learn almost everything from observing their environment. Parents being the closest to them give an approximate model to their children for what to expect in relationships in life.
Your relationship with your child will effect their relationships with their children in future.
Your healthy one to one relationship with each child will teach your child the right standard of a parent-child relationship. They can look up to that standard when they themselves grow up and become parents.
How to Build One to One Relationship with Each Child
Parenting is hard and it requires much effort. These steps to build a healthy relationship with each child might look simple and easy but they require consistent effort on parents’ end. Over time children reciprocate parental efforts and then it becomes easy.
Parents need to pay full attention to their kids. Not only when they are actively telling something but also on their body language, their expressions, their eyes, their comments on random subjects and the way they find solutions to different problems.
All these things give an invaluable insight into the hearts and minds of your children. You know what their strengths, weaknesses, doubts, and fears are.
They might never tell you directly but they will always give you clues to the puzzle of their personalities.
Based on your observation you can plan to make an intentional effort to build a strong one to one relationship with each child.
Give Individual Time to Each Child
Plan your time in such a way that you can easily spend some individual time with each child. Ideally, both mother and father should spend individual time with each child.
Plan activities with each child as per their liking for their special time with mom or dad. Let children have their say and decide what they want to do in that time.
As you will plan these activities for each child as per their wishes every child will feel equally important.
Don’t Compare Children Openly
Secretly every parent has a favorite child. But you have to make sure that you don’t let that information out. Open comparisons among children are the main cause of sibling rivalry. When a child knows that my brother or sister is better in the eyes of my parents they go into fight mode for parental attention and approval. This hampers their relationship with each other and also with their parents.
Always curb the urge to compare your children openly. In this way, all your children will feel equally loved and equally treated.
Plan Conversations for Each Child
As a parent you are or you should be very much aware of the strengths, shortcomings, aspirations, fears, and doubts of all your children. Based on your this knowledge you can plan your conversations with each child so that you can help them overcome their doubts and fears. Similarly, you can boost their confidence and help them excel at whatever they do by subtly inculcating them.
Whenever you need to teach certain things about difficult concepts to your children plan what and how you will talk about. By planning your conversations beforehand you will be able to better help your child.
Be open, accepting and loving during these conversations. Listen to your child empathetically. Do not overreact if something unexpected comes up during the conversation.
This way the window of communication with your child will remain open for the years to come. They will always approach you for help and guidance before they turn up to somebody else.
Having a one to one relationship with each child is very important. Planning individual activities with each child while taking into consideration the needs and wishes of each child are essential in developing a strong parent-child relationship. Watching your words and actions as parents and being an effective listener to your child makes a window of communication with your child which will remain open for years to come.
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