So your husband has said something or done something and you feel seriously offended. But your husband is acting normal as if nothing has happened. Can you relate to that? Most probably you can and so can I.
Have you ever wondered why this happens? It’s because men and women are different by default. Naturally, something very important for a woman might be totally unimportant for a man. Women are very intuitive and their ability to feel something is very much powerful as compared to men. So when things happen, in an intimate relationship like marriage, a husband and wife might perceive something totally different.
As a result, there are many times when one party has a grudge or resentment but the other one is oblivious to it. Women being intuitively stronger might feel offended and hurt more often. So there will be a lot of instances where a woman might need to forgive her husband for the sake of her sanity and health of her marriage.
Why is Forgiveness in Marriage Important?
Marital conflict is inevitable and forgiveness in marriage is its saving grace. As RB Graham had said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers”, forgiveness is very important for the health of any marriage.
At times you will be so much hurt that you won’t feel like forgiving your husband. It is feasible for a short period of time but if you are planning to keep the grudge for a longer period of time it may have some very serious negative implications.
Having Resentment is Harmful to Your Health
Whenever you have a resentment against your husband you are in fact stressed. We all know that exposure to stress for a long time is harmful to emotional and physical health.
By holding the grudge you will not only feel bad emotionally but you can literally get sick.
Keeping A Grudge is Toxic for Your marriage
Grudges and resentment are one of the major causes of unhappy and unhealthy marriages. According to famous Psychologist Dr. J. Gottman, who has researched marriage and intimate relationships for over 40 years, the biggest predictor of a successful marriage is your ability to repair whenever there is conflict in marriage.
Forgiveness plays a vital role in repairing the distance and void in a relationship created by a conflict.
Keeping a Grudge Affects Your Happiness
Not being able to forgive your husband easily will keep you in an unhappy mode. You keep on thinking about your resentment and as a result, you overlook the positives of your relationship.
Keeping a grudge against your husband will affect other parts of your life also. You are more likely to backbite against him and generally, there will be an air of unhappiness surrounding your marriage.
How to Forgive Your Husband?
The million dollar question is how to forgive your husband when he seems unaware of your pain. Let’s dig in.
Accept What Cannot Be Changed
Easier said than done but accepting what cannot be undone is a big step towards reconciliation. Many a time you will desperately want to change what has happened. Your desire to undo what has happened is a major factor in keeping you away from rationally solving the problem.
The reality is you cannot undo what has happened no matter how hard you wish or try. So stop hurting yourself for something which cannot be undone and accept what has already happened.
Stop playing The Hurtful Video in Your Head Again & Again
What you do normally when you are offended and hurt by something? You play the hurtful video of the incident again and again in your mind. It’s not only you, we all do the same thing.
By going through a hurtful situation again and again you are torturing yourself over and over again. It’s like taking a knife and stabbing your heart again and again.
For the sake of your own happiness and the health of your marriage, you need to consciously make an effort to stop this mental video. Put an intentional effort to not think about what happened.
Get busy and do something else like cleaning your cupboard or start a DIY project so that your attention is diverted.
You need to tell your husband what your feelings and needs are in a very calm, relaxed and unemotional way. Do not assume that he knows something just because you strongly feel about it.
As we discussed earlier that men and women are different, so your husband might be totally unaware of your emotional state just because he functions differently than you.
We, women, are emotional creatures and we are prone to crying and unknowingly divert the issue at hand. A safe way would be to write down your grievances in detail. Write down how you feel and what exactly has offended you.
By writing down you are helping yourself in two ways;
- You are using writing as a therapy. It will help you calm down, relax and think clearly
- You are clearly communicating your point of view.
Once you have clearly identified your pain points convey it to your husband either in writing or verbally. When your point of view is fully conveyed you will feel heard. When your husband knows exactly how you feel he will definitely make amends. If he is unable to satisfy you even now, then muster up some more courage and tell him exactly what he needs to do so that you can forgive him.
Conflict in marriage is inevitable and forgiveness in marriage is essential for the happiness and satisfaction of the couple. Women being more intuitive in their feelings are more prone to be offended and hurt. So there are many more instances when they need to forgive their husbands for their mistakes. By accepting what cannot be undone, not thinking much about the hurtful situation and clearly communicating her needs a wife can forgive her husband somewhat easily.Follow me on social media: