Communication in Marriage,  Marriage,  Marriage Challenges

3 Steps to Restore Emotional Connection in Marriage After Having Children

What is the foundation of a happy and healthy marriage?

Love? Money? Understanding? Gratitude?

Well, all these things are important but one thing which is more basic and essential than all these things is the emotional connection. If you feel emotionally connected to your spouse the feelings of gratitude, love and compassion will automatically flow from your heart.

When there are only two people in a relationship it’s easy to keep the emotional connection in marriage, strong and deep. Once your children come into your life they go to the number one place in terms of attention, appreciation, and love. It is very natural to adore your children but in the process of utter amazement for your children, you might unknowingly ignore your marriage. As a result, the emotional connection begins to weaken silently initially and noisily later on.

Biggest Symptom of Loss of Emotional Connection in Marriage

The biggest symptom of loss of emotional connection in marriage is the feeling of loneliness. If you or your spouse feel that you are in it alone then this is an alarm which is telling you that emotional connection of your relationship is on life support.  Apparently, everything might look normal and fine but deep within one or both of the partners feel unhappy and unsatisfied.

If it keeps on going for a long time then the couple becomes mere strangers living together.

How to Keep Emotional Connection in Marriage Alive after Having Children

There are three most basic things which every couple needs to follow religiously to keep the emotional connection alive. These things are:

  1. Give Priority To Your Marriage

When you are newly married or you do not have children as yet marriage takes a very high position on your priority list. When you are into marriage for some time you might begin to be complacent about your marriage. After you have children your life begins to revolve around them. No doubt parenthood is the height of human experience but you must always prioritize the relationship which brought these bundle of joys in your world.

When marriage moves down your priority list the emotional connection between you and your spouse begins to weaken.

To get back the precious emotional connection in your marriage you need to intentionally give it a place on your priority list. Do the things which you did when you had a strong emotional connection. Tell your spouse that he/she matters. Giving each other importance, time and attention will bring back the lost emotional connection.

  1. Good Communication

“Communication is to a relationship like oxygen is to life, without it …it dies.”

It does strike a chord, doesn’t it? These are not my words, these gems are by a famous motivational speaker and life coach Tony Gaskins, and I fully second them.

Once you have prioritized your marriage good communication will take the charge from there on to get back the emotional connection in your marriage.

Set aside some time daily to talk to each other. Put the phone down, turn off the TV, Pay attention and listen to your spouse to understand.

If your spouse tells you a pain point, address it. If there is something bothering you express that also. Do not assume anything, ask questions and tell your point of view with respect and compassion.

Related Article:

How to improve your communication with your spouse.

  1. Be Expressive in Appreciating Each Other

There might be many things in your spouse which you appreciate in your heart but how many times you express that appreciation? Hardly a few time, most probably.

We assume that our spouses know that we are appreciative of them but actually in order to feel wanted and needed they need to listen to our appreciation.

When you do not express your appreciation your spouse feels unseen, unheard and unwanted. These feelings can very well become the nails in the coffin of emotional connection. So try to be expressive in appreciating the efforts, however, small maybe, your spouse is putting in.

It’s a part of the human psyche that if you appreciate them they do more of that thing to get that reward of appreciation. Your appreciation will make your spouse feel desired and needed and in return, they will put more effort to please you again and again.

The feeling of being wanted and needed will give a boost to the emotional connection in your marriage.


Emotional connection in marriage is the foundation for a satisfied and happy married life. Once children come into the picture their parents might lose some of the emotional connection they once had.

The feeling of loneliness is the biggest symptom of a weakened emotional connection in marriage.

By prioritizing your marriage, putting your efforts for good communication and being openly expressive in appreciating your spouse you can very much reclaim the precious emotional connection in your marriage.

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