So your husband is addicted to his phone and this behavior of his is making you feel ignored as it is sucking up the quality time in your marriage?
You want to have his attention and spend some one to one time with him but he is never fully free from social media and the virtual world on his phone. You are not alone, I have personally heard this complaint from dozens of women.
A few steps can not only let you help your husband in limiting the use of his phone but also give you quality time as a couple. Let’s see what we can do about it.
Remember That Today’s Phones Are Addicting
Before you go into an all-out fight mode against your husband because of the addiction of his phone, remember that today’s high tech smartphones are highly addictive.
You yourself might have experienced that while doing an important task you check social media with an intention of just checking a post or two and before you know you are lost in the world of social media.
So remember that your husband is not intentionally ignoring you to his phone rather he is helpless in front of this addiction machine.
Remind Yourself That Men & Women are Different By Default
We know that men and women are different by default. Something might be a matter of life or death for a woman but it might be totally unimportant for a man, and it’s natural.
Giving attention to your spouse in terms of talking and listening is second nature to women but most men are totally naïve in this department.
Due to these differences, men are women are considered to belong to different planets.
John Gray has highlighted these differences in his book “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”, which is a must read of every couple.
Communicate Your Needs & Desires Effectively
Communicating your need is difficult in a love relationship like marriage. As both husband and wife want and expect that their partner should know their need by themselves and then take an appropriate course of action to fulfill that need.
So most probably you won’t like the idea of communicating your desires and needs regarding your husband’s phone use to him but trust me you have to talk to him and it will work hopefully.
Once you understand that there is no malice in the intention of your husband, communicating your point of view will become easier and effective.
The following course of action will help you in effectively communicating your needs and desires.
- Do not assume anything like the assumption that your husband knows or should know your needs and feelings.
- Find an appropriate time and tell him that you feel ignored due to his addiction to his phone.
- While communicating use “I feel” statements instead of “You” statements. For example: Instead of saying “You are addicted to your phone and it’s ruining our relationship.” Try saying “I feel ignored and unimportant when you spend a lot of time on your phone.” By using the “I feel” statement you are taking the responsibility of your own feelings and your husband will also not go to a defensive mode which he would have gone if you had used a “you” statement.
- Convey your message with respect and kindness
Make an Agreement For limiting Use of Phone & Other Devices
By mutual consent set an appropriate boundary for using phones and other devices. Find a window of time where both you and your husband will put the phones and other devices away and give quality one to one time to each other.
Work On Your Own Life Independent Of Being a Wife or Mother
At times women lose themselves in marriage and motherhood. They do not have a life outside their marriage or motherhood so they become overly dependent on their husbands or kids for their sense of purpose and worth.
In order to have a life outside your marriage, you may try the following options.
- Give time to yourself as a woman. Have a life other than being a wife or mother.
- Have some girlfriends to have deep conversations
- Start a hobby.
- Spend some time on personal grooming.
- Pursue one of your own dreams.
- Learn something new.
- Set personal goals and work towards achieving them.
Once you will start focusing your own life you will become more groomed and polished as a person and your husband will be forced to pay attention to you instead of sticking with his phone.
It is a fact that today’s smartphones are addicting. This addiction is affecting relationships the most. If your husband spends a lot of time on his phone you are bound to feel unimportant and ignored.
As men and women are different by default there is a great probability that your husband is unaware of the fact that you are affected by his excessive use of mobile phone or social media. By effectively communicating your desires and needs you can very well get the attention you deserve. It will also be beneficial for your husband as he will be more aware of his addiction and thus be in a better position to amend his behavior.
Setting appropriate boundaries on the use of screens and handheld devices help a lot in getting rid of the addiction of phone and internet.
Last but not the least focusing on your own life outside of marriage and motherhood helps a lot to women for fulfilling their needs of being heard and their sense of purpose and self-worth.
So if your husband is addicted to his phone and you feel ignored because of his addiction, you need to devise a plan and act upon it intelligently and you will be successful by all means.
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