So it happened again, you yelled at your kid and now you are feeling terrible about it. No matter how hard you try you lose it every once in a while and it keeps haunting you afterwards. I can very much understand your situation as the same thing happens to me.
Parents never want to yell at their kids but still every now and then there are situations where most of them do yell at their kids. Afterwards, they feel guilty for yelling.
Yelling at your kid is a moment of weakness for you as a parent, but if handled well, it can become a big moment of teaching for both you and your kids.
Today I am sharing a few strategies which you can apply after yelling at your kids and make it a learning moment for both of you.
Once you have yelled at your kid the first step you need to take is to apologize for your mistake. Frankly talk to your child about what happened, how you made a mistake and you would be more careful in future. Kids are such pure souls that they forgive and forget easily.
Not only will apologizing mend your relationship with your child it will also teach your child, how to own mistakes.
Make an Effort to Reconnect With Your Child
Making a heartfelt apology is the first step in reconciling with your child. As yelling scares kids, to make the reconnection complete you need to make the child feel safe again. By making loving physical contact like hugging, kissing or cuddling your child both you and your child will feel connected. Similarly, an age-appropriate heart to heart conversation also helps a lot in giving emotional connection to your child
Sharing an activity with your child like painting, coloring or anything the child wants to do will also help a great deal in clearing the bad feelings created by yelling.
Evaluate Your Yelling Episode
Evaluating your yelling episode helps in pinpointing the triggers for your yelling. After yelling at your kids go through your yelling episode and answer questions like
- What did you feel before you yelled?
- What exactly caused you to yell?
- What did you say to your kid?
- How did you feel afterwards?
Write down these answers, they will show you the triggers of your yelling. Once you know the triggers, you can nip your anger in the bud by minimizing the triggers in future.
Let it Go
After you have yelled at your kid you feel terrible but beating up yourself for something which has already been done is useless. It hampers your efforts of controlling your temper and making a reconnection with your kid at the same time.
To err is human, once you have apologized and reconnected with your child just let it go and focus your energies on the most important things like correcting your behavior in future.
Address Your Own Genuine Needs
As they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup, you cannot show tolerance and compassion if your own needs are not fulfilled. Take care of yourself and spend some time for self-care so that you are better equipped to handle stressful situations in future.
Take help from a family member, friend or a babysitter to keep an eye on the kids and spend some time alone.
Taking care of your own needs first in the most important step in your quest for managing your anger and dealing with kids in a calm and composed manner.
Parents never want to yell at their kids but still there arise such situations that they fumble and yell at their kids. They feel guilty and even hate themselves for yelling at their kids.
There a few steps that you can take as a parent to manage the damage control after you have yelled at your child. The first and the foremost step is to own your mistake and apologize from your child. The second step is to make an intentional effort to reconnect with the child so that they feel safe and connected with you.
Evaluating the yelling episode helps in minimizing yelling in future. Taking care of your own needs and letting go of what has happened helps a lot in normalizing the situation after you have yelled at kids.
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