Being a parent I know that raising respectful kids is very important to you like parents all around the world. The day your child starts saying their first word is one of the happiest moments in the journey of parenthood but when the same child begins to talk back it is by far one of the most horrible moments for a parent. So it’s not a surprise that to teach kids not to back talk and be respectful is a major parenting goal all around the globe.
Why Do Kids Talk Back?
Have you ever wondered why all kids talk back at one point or another in their childhood? Well, following are the most common reason for backtalk in kids.
Talking Back is a Developmental Milestone
Talking back is, in fact, a developmental milestone in neurotypical kids. So we as parents cannot escape it, our kids will talk back at some point in their childhood. We just need to tackle them in such a way that they do not do so rudely.
When kids are very young they do what their parents tell them to, from what will eat to what they will wear. But as grow they want to assert their independence and self-control and begin to talk back even if they can only say “No”.
Kids Learn Back Talk From Their Environment
If babies and toddlers are exposed to back talk in their homes or by watching inappropriate material on TV or internet they quickly pick up the behavior and start talking back.
The Kids are Talking Back To Gain Attention
At times parents or the significant adults in the life of a child are unable to give due attention. In order to get the attention, they may start to talk back or show other behaviors like bragging and lying.
Back Talk is Triggered By Lack of Emotional Connection
Many a time kids might feel emotionally disconnected from their parents. This lack of emotional connection might trigger talking back.
How To Teach Kids Not To Talk Back
The million dollar question is how to teach kids not to talk back. Like most things in parenting a thorough strategy is required to get rid of back talk and teach politeness to kids.
Don’t Lose Your Composure When Kids Talk Back
Easier said than done but do not lose your composure when your child starts to talk back. Stay calm and tell the child that you will only respond when he or she will talk with respect.
By not giving attention to the negative behavior you are telling the child that you will pay attention to only the positive behavior.
Curb the urge to keep the child quiet by using your authority. The use of power and authority is just like putting a lid on a boiling pot, the pot is very much boiling you just can’t see it boil. For some time your child might not show the bad behavior but it is very much alive and can come out at any time.
Give Kids Choices For Decision Making
When kids grow up they need to have their say in what the little decisions in their life like what they will eat and what they will wear. Kids gain their independence, assertiveness, and confidence through such decision making.
Give your kid choices to make decisions whenever possible. Once the child knows that they have some control in their life the occurrence of talking back will reduce a lot.
Monitor Your Child’s Influences
Know your child’s friends and monitor what your child is watching at home, on TV, and on the internet. Your child might be picking up talking back from friends, family or from the virtual world of TV and internet. If it is so, intervene and eliminate these sources from your child’s life.
As you are not giving attention to the rude back talk your child is bound to talk politely to you. Whenever this happens, give a lot of attention and appreciation.
As they say catch them being good and they will do more of it, notice and appreciate when your child is polite and they will repeat that behavior to get your attention and approval.
Make Emotional Connection
Kids also talk back if they feel unseen, unheard and unloved. Pay attention to your child’s needs and daily spend some exclusive time with your child to connect emotionally.
Make loving physical contact like kissing, hugging and cuddling the child. Also, have an age-appropriate heart to heart conversations with your child.
Once the emotional needs of your child are met and they feel connected to you rudeness will become a part of history.
Be a Good Role Model
At times parents are the ones who talk back in their relationships with their spouses, siblings, and parents. In such cases, children are impolitely talking back because they are imitating their parents.
As a parent, it’s your duty to model that behavior in front of your kids which you want them to follow. Be a good role model to your kids and the likelihood of talking back will reduce to a minimum.
When it comes to teaching respect and discipline to kids talking back is a very common issue faced by parents all around the world. Apart from being a developmental milestone, the most common causes of talking back in kids are lack of emotional connection with parents, attention seeking behavior, or due to the negative influence in the environment.
Parents may take a few steps to teach kids not to talk back. Being calm and composed when kids talk back and giving attention only to politeness and positive behavior helps a lot in managing back talk. Giving kids, choices for the little decisions of their life like what to eat and wear give them the essential sense of control and independence to them.
Monitoring the bad influences in the environment around the kids and by being a good role model a parent might know the causes and triggers of talking back. Keeping a strong emotional connection with kids and praising their politeness and good behavior not only help to teach kids not to talk back but also improves parent-child relationship.
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