Ideally, a love relationship like marriage should be crystal clear without an iota of secrets and lies. But at times both the spouses tell lies or keep secrets from one another. These secrets and lies become a poison for the trust in marriage. Today I am sharing my views on what to do when your husband lies to you.
When you come to know for the first time that your husband has lied to you it is nothing less than a shock. You feel betrayed and your trust in your husband is very much dented. I would like to add that I am talking about less serious lies here. If your husband has lied to you about an affair or has cheated on you, your marriage is pretty much on its death bed and its only matter of time when it will end.
After you know about the lie or lies all you can do is damage control. In the proceeding lines, I will be sharing a few tips to make this damage control less painful and more fruitful.
Things to Remember
Your husband has lied to you and as a natural instinct you would like to change the reality but you need to remember two things
- You cannot change the reality, now all you can do is to handle it better.
- You cannot change your husband without his will.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up For Your Husband’s Action
After you come to know about the lie your husband has told you might feel stupid or naïve to trust your husband in the first place. Unconsciously you might have the urge to beat yourself up for your husband’s action. But believe me, it’s none of your faults. We cannot control everything and everyone. Despite your love, dedication, honesty, and loyalty your husband might not reciprocate those feelings. It’s painful and hurting but it’s not your fault.
Try to Know The Reason Behind The Lie
When you encounter a lie from your husband without going into full-blown anger or disappointment try to find out the reason behind his lie. It is possible that there is a positive reason behind that lie.
Once one of my friend’s husband got a major financial hit but he didn’t tell her. Initially, she was furious but later on, she came to know that her husband wanted to save her from the mental stress of the situation and that’s why he had lied to her.
Communicate Your Concerns Clearly To Your Husband
Once you are aware of the lie you must communicate your concerns clearly to your husband. Tell him what you feel and why it’s a big deal to you.
Easier said than done but try to be kind and respectful while communicating the problem.
Talking to him from a point of superiority or going into excessive blame game will only aggravate the problem. Just tell him in the clearest of terms how you feel and what you need him to do to make you feel better.
In most of the cases, if the relationship is healthy, he will try to be more honest and truthful in the future. Also, listen to your husband’s point of view he might have a genuine reason for his act.
Don’t Show That You Don’t Trust Him Now
Your trust in your husband is dented by your husband and you feel betrayed. It needs a lot of time and effort on the part of your husband to get back your trust.
Having said that, it’s of no use to taunt or point out what he did again and again. It might push him to be oblivious of his offense. You just need to keep your eyes and ears open but your mouth shut. If your husband genuinely tries to make amends you will know.
Take Professional Help
If you are sick and tired of your husband’s lies and you have tried everything in your approach to making him rectify his behavior without any results both of you must take professional help.
No matter how much you wish and desire to have crystal clear love relationship you might have to deal with lies, dishonesty and well-kept secrets. If such a situation arises and you have found out that your husband has lied to you, you need to take a few steps to feel better and do the damage control.
The first step is to accept the situation and not to beat yourself up for your husband’s action. Communicating effectively with your husband and trying to know the reason behind the lie might help in dealing with the situation better. Similarly curbing the urge to taunt or point out the lie, again and again, can help in not aggravating the situation further.
If your husband lies to you and all the aforementioned things fail to improve the situation then the ultimate solution is professional help.
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