Marriage is an agreement between two individuals and on the one hand, it follows some obvious rules like loyalty, honesty, respect, and trust etc. On the other hand, there are some non-obvious, unspoken marriage rules which you must follow to guarantee your success as a married couple.
The unspoken marriage rules are seemingly minor things which have a great impact on the health of your marriage and your general happiness and satisfaction from your relationship. For me the most important unspoken marriage rules are:
Talk Softly When Disagreeing
Disagreements, conflicts, arguments and hard talks are normal in every marriage. Whenever you will find yourself in one of these blue days of your relationship you must remember to talk softly. You might be boiling with anger inside but when conveying your point you will have to use softness and kindness and only then you can reach a resolution quickly without any hurt feelings in the process. You can convey any negative emotion be that anger, frustration or disappointment with kindness. You will notice that by being soft and kind you take the sting away from the argument and your spouse will respond better to your objections and suggestions.
Don’t Take Each Other For Granted
Your spouse is the most important person in your life. In the early days of marriage, you do all it takes to show this to your spouse but when life becomes hectic and hard it’s often the most important people who go in the background first. You feel as if your spouse is there and will always be there no matter what you do and how you behave and you start taking him or her for granted. In reality, you need to regularly nourish your relationship with time, attention and affection so that your spouse knows that he or she is the most important person in your life.
Your relationship needs regular input from both of you. Both of you must show love and warmth through small gestures like greeting each other warmly, listening to each other with attention and often smiling at each other without any reason.
Don’t Criticize Your In-laws
It’s a fact that your in-laws can be problematic but no matter how much they irritate you, you must try your best not to criticize them. The bottom line is that they are important to your spouse and your criticism of your in-laws would hurt your spouse’s feelings. In order to safeguard your spouse’s feelings, have a big heart and curb the urge to criticize your in-laws.
Don’t Keep Secrets
Your marriage puts on your shoulders the responsibility to be crystal clear in your life. It’s the right of both partners to know what is happening in each other’s life. If there’s something your spouse should know then it’s your duty to tell him or her whether they ask you or not.
Telling the hardest truths is far better than keeping things under the carpet in the longer run. Your spouse will never blame you for telling the truth but they will always hold you responsible for keeping secrets whether they were big secrets or small petty issues.
Express Your Point of View Clearly
As both men and women process and handle things differently, therefore, you must never make assumptions in your marriage. The safest approach is to always demand a crystal clear and to the point opinion. Similarly, try your best to express your point of view clearly so that there is no chance of misunderstandings and unnecessary expectations.
If Something is Important To Your Spouse, Give In
Human beings are complex creatures, and in love relationships, they have many unreasonable expectations, affiliations, and attachments. If there is something which is important to your spouse no matter how unimportant and uncalled for it seems, it’s your responsibility to give in.
If something is important to both of you, you can work together to find a common ground but if something is important to your spouse only it’s your duty to respect that.
Never Stop Talking
Conflicts are inevitable in any marriage. Many a time couples stop talking to each other during disagreements and conflicts. The silent treatment in your marriage ruins it more than the conflict itself. Make it a motto to never stop talking and keep the communication lines open through the difficult times. When you keep the communication lines open you get out of conflicts sooner than later.
Don’t Bring in Others To Solve Your Disputes (Unless it’s a Marriage Counselor)
When you bring a third person to solve your problems the likelihood of aggravating the problem increases. Try your best to solve your personal disputes by yourself through mutual communication and understanding. If there is a dire need of an outsider to help you only consult the professional people who can look at the situation from a neutral perspective and give viable solutions.
Don’t Speak Bad About Your Spouse In Their Absence
You are the guardian of your spouse’s respect and reputation in their absence. Always curb the urge to speak bad about your husband or wife in their absence. Remember if you backbite your spouse it speaks not only about your spouse but also about you. If you really need to vent just write it down, give it some time and after that talk directly to your spouse.
Be a Team (Don’t Compete)
Once you are married you will go through the thick and thin of life together. There will be good times and not so good times. There will be times when you will be head over heels in love with your spouse and there would be times when you will wonder how can I stand this man or woman. Through all these seasons you must remember that you are a team and in no circumstances, either one of you should not compete with each other.
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